The A World
I dare you, this post has full of emotions.. drama.. a piece of sweetness… and horror. Well, I really have this mixed emotions about everything and anything under the sun.
As you know (from “All about me” post) I am on my way to postgraduate application and still on the way.. literally! Gladly, I was accepted for a postgraduate degree in Statistics and Operational Research in a university in United Kingdom but I find it really hard to raise money for my tuition fee and living expense.
Frankly.. this way is so so stiff and scary. I always encounter ghost, witch, worms, rats and headless snakes. Well I want to describe these creatures that makes my “way” too complicated. (Photo ctto)
As I walk and run in this journey of raising enough funds. I always.. always encounter GHOST! these ghost are the worries that I often had that really scares me away to my dream. Like the GHOST, the Worries often showed up unexpectedly – when I am happy walking and dancing on my way to my dreams. These worries includes the following: the high possibility of not pursuing my plans because of financial disability, the pressure of time (September 2016 is just 4 months away), and loosing the faith. SIGH 😦
These GHOST always showed up whenever my hopes are in tune.. whenever my eyes is all out positive and when I read positive note from above. And what makes it really horrible is that they are in all out smile upon showing up!! (Photo ctto)
Okay.. the other creature is this ugly-masking-pretty witch that eat my hopes – and she is very rude! An example are those Scholarships, Grants and Trust. The truth is, they are a lot 🙂 which makes me really overwhelmed but whenever I dig in to the details… the witch is already in the midst of eating my hopes again. Most of the time, these Scholarships, Grants and Trust have very specific criteria (which I understand) that are not applicable for an overseas student like me. I often end up nothing upon searching 😦 (Photo ctto)
The worm is cute but deceitful. The worm is the LOANS, well if your living in a developing country – loans are a bit strict unless you have a stable job which makes it deceitful because this will offer you instant money when needed. Of course this is not a good choice for now because by any means.. I’ll be paying this like forever unless good terms will be offered, I might consider this but not in full. OH!!!! (Photo ctto)
I am scared of rats.. specially those large hairy black rats that scream in the middle of the night – that really distort my about-to-go-to-sleep mode. The rat scares me away to pursue my dream because I often choose not to pursue my journey whenever this showed up 😦 The rat is the rejected application that scares me away to apply for other scholarships, grants or trust. (Photo ctto)
Lastly, the last creature of my journey is the ever-deceitful-proud-and-arrogant Snake. This creature always remind me of my past sins, rejections, problems, and even my problems for the future. The snake makes me feel down whenever the GHOST and the RAT showed up. This creature makes me feel that the reason I experience this worries is because of what I have done previously which is the main reason of my suffering right now. (Photo ctto)
What about now?
Obviously….It’s raining similar to what I’m feeling right now. We’ll I think what makes the process really hard and painful is the fact that I have done things like applying to all of the possible scholarship applicable to my status, Crowdfunding (we’ll only 2 person gave support worth 5,000 each – those are a relative and a client), application to grants and trust. Still, nothing positive yet. I thought before that the Lord will provide by any means that’s why I don’t really feel pressured and alarmed before… but now, I do and I am really loosing hope. (Photo ctto)
You see.. this post is full drama. I am not fond of drama but this time I think I’m about to eat my word. Indeed I’m over-acting dramatic and I want to let this be – positively this makes me look forward to GOD more
Shocks!! here’s the witch again… and the RAT showed-up this time.. he’s with the GHOST and at the back of the GHOST is the snake.. 😦
P.S. Readers, your comments is highly appreciated 🙂 A handful of advice is much sweeter 🙂